I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
