I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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