i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
