I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
