went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
