I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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