My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
