honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
