i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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