I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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