you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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