I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
