I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
