I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
