your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
