Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
