After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
