i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
