She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
