The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
