I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
