I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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