do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
