The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
a search helicopter?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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