but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
where are my eyebrows?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
