hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
