I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
