he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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