Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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