i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
