She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
