In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
