She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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