Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
