I accidentally burped into my bong.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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