I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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