weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
