but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
