i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
pray to the hookup gods
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
