I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
