i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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