I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
