HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am one with the molecules
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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