My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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