I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think your dad took our porno
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
