Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
