What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
