I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
soo... how was my night?
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