wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
