After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I pour the whiskey from now on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
