Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
